Sin

Sin is a topic that rarely comes up in polite company. It is an unfortunate reality that sin is either avoided altogether in an attempt to not hurt someone or be judgmental or it is brandished as a weapon and is often accompanied by devaluing or disowning the person declared to be sinful. The strange thing is that both of these treatments of sin are backwards and are each unhealthy in very similar ways.

If you want to know how to address sin, you first have to know what sin is. The Bible uses several words for sin, but for the sake of this post I will focus on the most commonly

use: peccatum. Peccatum means to miss the mark or to act in a way that is contrary to hitting the mark; like an archer who misses his target or uses poor form. But unlike the archer, we cannot simply put down our bow and go find another hobby if we find it to difficult. We have no choice in coming into this world and by that same token we have no say in the goal or “mark” of this life. Our goal in life is righteous living and sin is our failure to do so. In a culture like ours where we give all young athletes trophies despite how they play and are banning red ink from graded papers, describing someone’s actions as missing the mark or failure to achieve the goal set for us may seem negative or just plain mean. However, pointing out someone’s sin as it has been defined here is actually an empowering and dignifying act. By telling someone that they have missed the mark we at the same time must believe that they have a mark to begin with and moreover that they are capable of hitting that mark. By pointing out a failure we have to acknowledge in that moment that the person who failed is meant for and capable of greatness!

When we avoid talking about sin or use sin as a weapon (not acknowledging the potential greatness) we degrade each other in two ways:

1. We deny that the other person is meant to be more than what they are now
2. We devalue greatness by treating it like an intrinsic state rather than an art or craft that we can develop and achieve.

In either case, whether you only point out good qualities or only point out bad you become irrational. If we are all the same and are all great then what is the point of saying so? You might as well compliment everyone by saying they have two nostrils or skin on the outside of our bodies. Likewise, if some people are disgusting sinners that can never be expected to be anything other than worthless, why bother telling them so? You might as well yell at water for being wet or swear at sand for being gritty. The point is that when we refuse to address one part of a person, either failures or greatness, we become unable to saying anything about them at all.

So what can we say to someone who has sinned? It seems that saying “it’s ok, you’re still a good person” isn’t helpful. Neither is saying, “you are such a failure.” There is certainly no one-size-fits-all response to sin, but perhaps the best way to start is to say, “you are meant for more than this.”

Marriage in Society

“Contrary to legal conceits about privacy, our sexual identities and practices have a complex and fundamental public significance, for sexual desire is the most primitive engine of sociality. Not only does sex draw men and women together, encouraging a fundamental, perhaps the fundamental, reconciliation of human differences, sexual union also produces children and plants the seeds of domestic stability”

This is a quote from an interesting article on First Things. Though this article deals with the complex and controversial issue of same sex marriage, I found this particular passage to be a great starting point for a discussion of marriage counseling.

As a counselor, I naturally feel that marriage counseling is an important job as anyone who has spent years in training would feel about their field of work. However, this quote gets to the heart of just how important this role truly is. In marriage, men and women: the extremes of the human species, come together before their community to create a new community through their family. It is a truly miraculous event. Two opposite objects unite and the result is greater than the parts that you started with. It’s social cold fusion! Yet we have taken this system for granted  and now it is beginning to crumble.

In the current political and economic climate, it is easy to look around and a seemingly endless list of problems that need to be fixed. But I truly believe that if we want to fix our schools, our economy, our political system, etc. it starts with strengthening marriages and the family. For centuries, the family has been the central pillar of society. The role of all governments and economies was to support this basic unit. So to all of you marriage counselors out there, don’t look at your clients as just another bickering couple. Look at them as the foundation of community on which society rises or falls (no pressure).

Books to Check Out

Here are a few books that I have found helpful in developing my approach to counseling.

Happiness and Contemplation- Josef Pieper

I could fill several lists of great books by Josef Pieper (note to self: Make list of awesome Josef Pieper books). For the uninitiated, Josef Pieper was a German Catholic theologian, Thomas Aquinas expert, and prolific writer. What I love about his writing is that he is able to take fairly dry source material like Aquinas or Kierkegaard and makes it warm and approachable for readers at any level. Pieper also has a unique ability to make Christian teachings contemporary without making them trendy. In Happiness and Contemplation, Pieper describes true contemplation as “the silent perception of reality” through which we come to experience the presence of God. This book is a much needed primer for a world in a constant state of sensory overload.

Sickness Unto Death- Soren Kierkegaard

Kierkegaard can be a bit tough to really sink you teeth into and the opening lines of this book are notorious for frustrating many a reader. But once you get past the eccentricities of his writing, Kierkegaard presents an excellent exposition on despair. He describes despair as the loss of self. I will not attempt to describe his thesis any more than that in these few sentences, but this book is an excellent response to the post modern concept of the Protean Self. I would recommend that any Christian counselor who has clients struggling with despair or depression (which should be all Christian counselors I would imagine) read this book.

Psychotherapy and Religion- Harry Guntrip

As you can tell from the generic image, this book has been out of print for a while. However you can still find it used online. If any of you are interested in incorporating Christian teaching with Object Relations Theory, this is a must read. Guntrip provides his developments in object relations theory, outlines his criticism of Freud, and offers solutions for how the church can assist those in the community who are experiencing mental suffering or illness. What I found most interesting was Guntrip’s theories about Schizoid and Manic Depressive disorders and their origins.

Foundations

“Give blood and receive the Spirit”

When a counselor has an eclectic approach to counseling, it can be difficult to actually start a conversation about psychology. There is an infinite number of topics and entry points to choose from. When deciding on my first post for this blog I skimmed through a few old papers, looked over my book shelves, and went back and forth about which theory or principle to expound on. Finally, I recalled the simple but foundational statement from a fifth century desert father that is quoted above. This phrase may seem strange to some but it is not archaic rule for monks sitting in caves; it is a necessary truth for anyone coming to counseling.

In our current culture, we are constantly deflecting any attempt to access our true selves. We create masks and alter egos on social media sites. We hide behind irony, sarcasm and humor. We become disingenuous. As a result, our psyches can weaken and be corrupted because they are deprived of the true attachment and relationships they need. The culture is so dedicated to closing off the “self” that even when we are looking to heal the damage we have done, we want to find an impersonal cure. People today are far more willing to get medication or pick up a self help book than to actually talk to someone and risk being vulnerable. And, more often than not, the cures that are most popular find the problem outside of the self: it’s our brain chemistry, it’s the food we eat, it’s the electronic devices around us, and so on.

The desert fathers in many ways were the earliest psychologists and knew a great deal about the mental pains that people suffer. They also understood that the only way to heal and to receive the peace that God offers through his Spirit is to give of oneself fully. It is just as true today as it was then. Healing from depression or anxiety is not akin to changing shoes or putting on a coat. It is a surgery that removes a cancer and, like any surgery, it is at times painful, it makes us extremely vulnerable as our inner core is exposed and we are required to completely trust another person, and it necessitates that we leave that diseased part of ourselves on the operating table.

I would imagine it would be possible to categorize all my future posts within this framework: either dealing with giving blood or with receiving Spirit (but I’m not that clever so don’t hold me to that). Suffice to say that this idea of giving of ourselves in order to receive peace, love and purpose through God’s Spirit should be in the front of our minds. Every day we should ask ourselves, am I allowing myself to be completely open and vulnerable before God? Am I giving myself fully to the body of Christ that is the church? Am I being honest with myself so that I can be more fully aware of His image in me? As difficult and painful as these processes may be, it does not compare to what we receive. As the Psalms tell us, “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”